We all have our limits right? All human here and there’s only so much we can take. Before we need to hibernate. That’s the point I got to. I realised I was becoming too worked up and faaaaar too tired to deal with any more. Being someone that suffers from depression and anxiety, it was only going to get worse. This is why I have not posted as much recenlty, but I’m back on track now!!
You know when you’re cranky, or just a bit too emosh. Blabbing like a baby (it’s OKAY to cry), but I felt constantly run down. As if I was a car and I had broken down on the side of the road, in the middle of the outback, with no phone. Yeah, I’m feeling THAT dramactic atm.
Let’s break this down, and start from the beggining.
It has been a couple of months now, that I have began to feel undoubtedly home sick. (I am from London, England). Waking up and wishing I was back home, with grey skies, small roads and a Greggs sausage roll. I have always been a winter person, I love the idea of being wrapped up warm with a big fluffy blanket and a large hot chocolate and a mountain of whipped cream and marshmallows…. ooooooh so dreamy! And as England is known for cold weather and Australia is known for warm weather, you see my problem?
Now that Australia is headed for winter, I am feeling slightly better – call me crazy! (Most people do).
As well as missing the cold, wet weather. I miss being surrounded by my cherished friends and family. Missing the crazy amounts of support, and the great big family catch ups. You know, when you spend hours talking to your grandparents because they cannot belive how much you’ve grown up since they saw you last or seeing all the young kids (usually cosuins) running around making memories they’ll keep forever. Yeah, that’s what I miss, all of my fave people all in the same place.
Being on the other side of the world is a struggle, and always hits hard on special occasions. Thankfully I have my boyfriend, who has become my rock, biggest motivation, and bestest friend. Who happens to be from England too! He makes it a heck of a lot easier for me, and I cannot thank him enough.
Having this play on my mind over and over and over and over again was tiring to say the least. On top of this, I found myself having no alone time or no chill time whatsoever. Working almost everyday, taking on extra shifts and hardy sleeping. I was becoming a recluse. Not healthy definitely not happy. I was becoming ill, not physically, but mentally.
A couple of years ago, I had an infinity symbol tattoed on my left wrist, whilst it seems like a ‘typical’ tattoo, it holds a much greater and deeper meaning to me. It shows me that I will only ever have myself, I am who I am, and I will love myself for it. It is a reminder that I am strong, I am not weak and I can deal witth anything as long as I love myself. When people ask why I have it, I am not affraid to tell them, I will explain my story, and let them know that I am good now.
I cannot express ENOUGH how grateful I am that nowadays mental health is becoming more and more recognised. There are so many organisations and helplines offered, that do amazing work, and expect nothing in return. However, I haven’t reached out to an organisation just yet, I am supported by so many people close to me. More people are recognising the signs, they are willing to learn and understand what mental health is, how it affects people differently and it that it isn’t a grey cloud over our heads with an arrow pointing down at us- to let them know and help spot us out. In fact, mental health is invisible and often a lot of people who do not suffer are oblivious without intending to be.
Thanks to the amazing girls that I work with, they realised that I was not my best self recently and had worked myself too hard lately. They have given me a couple of days off work to relax, take a breather and get myself back on track.
So that brings me to today – I’m off to Melbourne! Taking a short break, nothing is planned, I just want to take myself out of my current situation, have an adventure and do some (well deserved) shopping. Nothing like an impromtu trip to refresh and help settle all of my stress.
If like me, you work yourself up, or you are just feelign down. Don’t be scared to talk about, I’ve learnt that people are aware, they want to learn how to help you. Call a help line or write down your thoughts. It’s much easier to recover if you let it out. Sooner rather than later.
You are the most important person in your life, never EVER forget that.
Love, Abby x