Plans, Pandemic and Pregnancy

Hey, Hi, Howdy?…How do I do this again? 

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

How are you? How are you really doing?

What a crazy, whirlwind year we’ve experienced throughout 2020…and we’re in August, already? I’ll be honest…I’ve missed writing, venting and being creative. So, I’m back, with a whole load of updates for ya! – enjoy!

This year started in a scary place for me, I spent New Year’s Eve in hospital due to a mental health breakdown, I was taking medication and wasn’t in a good place at all. Then on the 3rd January we found out that we were pregnant after only a month of trying, we were ecstatic. Sadly, we lost our baby on the 20th February, we were and still are absolutely heartbroken. Our Sweet Pea, as we will remember our baby as.

This came as a huge, devastating shock to us, there was no explanation of it, just told it was ‘one of those things’. I decided that I didn’t want to suffer with all the thoughts in my head, I wanted to talk about it, speak to people who had been through it – because what do I do now? The future I’d imagined had been taken away from me, I was struggling with my mental health and just felt really…crap.

As weird as this may sound, I think it taught me a lot. I had begun weaning off my antidepressants so now I was facing a miscarriage with no ‘hormonal help’, but id turned to social media to talk about my experience. I began writing and sharing my story and I had so many lovely people reach out to me for support but also to tell me that they had been through it too… but didn’t speak to anyone about it.

I was so overwhelmed with how many people I began to open up to, but more importantly how many people opened up to me. The thought of people struggling on their own made me sad, but also meant I could offer my support. It’s such a taboo subject, yet it happens with 1 in 4 pregnancies. An awful statistic yet we’re told not to talk about it. ‘Wait until you’re 12 weeks before you tell people, just incase’. I didn’t want to suffer in silence, I didn’t want my baby to be a secret, I needed to talk, to relate to people.

I began to feel better, more positive and wanted to focus on recovering from my mental health as well as the loss I experienced. I also want to add at how amazing Robert was throughout it all, he was there for me and I was there for him, and we got through it. So many tears, cuddles and sad conversations. But we got through it and we did it together.

Next comes March, I quit my job, was completely off any medication, had a holiday cancelled (not important but thought I’d mention it, ya know), dyed my hair pink and then brown and we moved house. I then had another job lined up that I was supposed to start in April, but that didn’t go to plan. It was put on hold and now I’ve been told that I can hopefully start next month. Which means I have been unemployed since March and couldn’t get any income help, but we’ve managed and thankfully Robert has been working all through lockdown, but from home so we’ve saved money on commuting – silver linings I guess.

We had plans set, we were thinking of moving back to Australia, we’d started looking into it and weighing up our options and then it all got flipped…although for the reasons I’ll share in a min… I wouldn’t change a thing!

What a year it was turning out to be, so many big life changes and little did I know, it was just the start…

Then hit the pandemic, Coronavirus, Covid-19. We were (and still are) stepping into the unknown, nothing that we’d experienced before, everything we knew was changing and stopping at an incredible pace. Well done to all of us for getting through it, for staying strong and getting on with it. It’s not been easy, it still isn’t easy but with things beginning to get back to normal…whatever that is now…it looks like there could be a light at the end of the tunnel. 23rd March lockdown began in the UK, what a year…

Unexpectedly, but so so so excitingly, on the 28th April, we found out that we were pregnant again. Cue all the emotions, the anxiety and the fear. Locked down and pregnant. However, we told our immediate family and best friends as soon as we found out because I wanted to document our journey from the start. I was worried about how people would take the news, but we received nothing but support. I shared our news on Instagram and have done a weekly update every week.. we are now 21+5 weeks pregnant and so far, so good.

We are having a little boy, Ernie Robert Stevenson.

I’ll talk to you in more detail about this pregnancy so far, if that’s something you’d like? I’ve got quite a few ideas that I want to get written up, but I’d love to know if theres anything more specific that you’d like me to write about or that you’d like to know! I will also be doing some of my ‘typical’ content including recipes, hauls and DIY’s.

How has your year been? What has got you through this pandemic? I hope you’re getting through okay, my comments or dm’s on Instagram are always open. Conversations are great, talking about any worries or just having a chat can really help.

In the meantime, stay safe, look after yourself and I’ll speak soon!

Love, Abby x

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